


Narcissus

by izuruthemad



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, War, gays in space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:45:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9906053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izuruthemad/pseuds/izuruthemad
Summary: Lance loves Keith. His eyes, his hair, his talent, his strength, his bravery. He knows it's risky.He knows something is wrong when he sees the first petal.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I found the Hanahaki AU on tumblr and decided to rip your hearts out. Enjoy!
> 
> Translations:  
> Mi hijo dulce: my sweet son  
> Hijo: Son  
> Señora: Miss/Mrs.  
> Flores llenan sus pulmones: flowers fill your lungs  
> Rosas azules: blue roses  
> Hijo de la gran puta: son of a bitch  
> Maldita sea: God damnit  
> Estoy sofocando en las flores para ti, amor. Me duele, pero puedo tomarlo por ti.:  
> I'm suffocating on the flowers for you, my love. It hurts, but I can take it for you.  
> Hermano de: brother of  
> Tráeme la muerte, Señora Hanahaki! Terminarlo, por favor: Bring me death, Mrs Hanahaki! End it, please!  
> Dios mio: my god  
> Mi diamante perfecto: my perfect diamond  
> Mi cariño: my love  
> Mi amor: my love  
> Novio: sweetheart  
> Se ha ido?: Is she gone?

His hair. His eyes. His laugh. The tiny little things he says and does. His talent. 

Among many, those were some of the things Lance loved about Keith. 

>>>>>>>>>

When he was little, his mother warned him about love. 

_"Lance._ Mi hijo dulce. _Have you ever felt love?"_

And little Lance was honest with his mother. _"Si! I love you, Mama!"_

And his mother said that was alright, because she loved him back. Besides, it was no worry, as that was not the love that she worried of. 

Mrs Sanchez sat her son down. And she warned him, _"Love is a fickle thing. Love has many sweet things to offer. But if you love someone, you must tell them right away, child! Do not be afraid!"_

_"Why, Mama?"_

_"Because, Lancome, if you aren't loved back quick enough," his mother warned, "Hanahaki Disease will catch you."_

But young Lance didn't know what Hanahaki was. _"But Mama, what is Hanahaki Disease?"_

 _"Hijo, Señora Hanahaki is not a nice woman. When her fingers brush against you,_ flores llenan sus pulmones _and you cough them up until you drown in them. Nobody knows why it happens. It just does."_

So Lance decided not to fall in love. He decided instead to make others fall first, so he didn't have to worry. 

Lucky for him, nobody ever did. He wouldn't have wanted to kill somebody by accident. 

>>>>>>>>>>

But Keith was his exception to his one unspoken rule. And Lance decided that Keith was too perfect for him. 

What, who would want a seventh wheel anyways? 

Hell, was Keith even into guys? After they got Shiro back, Keith didn't leave his side. Maybe he was into Shiro. Shiro was better than Lance, in his opinion. 

Besides, it seemed that Señora Hanahaki couldn't catch him in space, with her _rosas azules_ for eyes and her skeleton fingers, her greasy, dark hair jaggedly chopped off to frame her jawline. He hasn't seen any petals. Maybe he could live forever not saying anything. 

>>>>>>>>>

Keith caught Shiro and Allura kissing in the command center. 

Keith shut himself in his room for days. 

Lance was worried. Lance wanted to comfort him, to be there for him. If anything happened to Keith, he wouldn't have been able to live with himself. 

When he finally came back, he looked better than Lance had ever seen him. 

"Did you have the disease?" Hunk had asked, checking behind Keith's teeth and underneath his tongue for petals. 

Keith grinned. "No," he replied, the relief evident in his voice. "I was lucky I got over him before I did. Waiting around to tell someone you love them is dangerous. I won't make that mistake again." 

If only Lance had that courage! 

He smiled wanly and grabbed a bowl of food goo, then trekked back to his room, not wanting to think about it. 

>>>>>>>>>>

Ever since Shiro's disappearance, Allura had been training to replace a paladin in case of an emergency. Even when he returned, she still trained, even as they fought Lotor. It had helped on ground raids, and made everyone feel that much more secure. 

>>>>>>>>>>

It was midmorning when Lance found it. He was brushing his teeth when he coughed and spit his toothpaste-y spit all over the washstand. 

" _Hijo de la gran puta,_ what the hell did I do that for?" he cursed. He noted that the spit had red splotches and _something_ solid. 

Warily, he picked it up between his fingers. As he realized what it was, bile rose to his throat. 

"No... Not the fucking flowers." 

It was as white as the sugary-snowy down of a cherub's wing, but sporting the texture of a cherub's skin. The petal was maybe two fingers wide and the corner was painted with blood, like the blood staining a dead swan's wings after it had been shot down. Lance felt like that dead swan in that moment, the world slowing down. 

A knock on his room door snapped him out of it. 

"Lance? Are you ok? You're late for breakfast." 

Pidge. Nothing was gonna fly by them, but he could pass off as being under the weather. 

"Haha, I'm fine!" Lance replied, forcing his voice to sound cheerful. "Just got a little too much beauty sleep. I'll be down in a bit." 

"If you say so." Footsteps growing lighter told Lance that Pidge was, in fact, leaving. 

Lance met his own sapphire eyes in the mirror, already feeling tears well up in them. He grit is teeth and threw his fists against the stainless steel, fruitlessly trying to keep them down, but they came, crystal clear, shining against his tan face in the light coming from the ceiling. 

" _Maldita sea,_ I don't wanna die," he sobbed, "I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't..." 

There he sat, weeping into the washbin. 

>>>>>>>>>>>

He didn't tell the truth. 

"Sorry for being late, my nyas," Lance joked. "I was busy with my skin care. You know, gotta fuel that vanity." 

The six of them stared at him blankly. 

"Are you... ok?" Keith asked tentatively. "You look terrible." 

"What's it to you, asshole?" 

Keith frowned. "I was concerned, but if you're gonna be like that, don't expect any sympathy from me." The Red Paladin turned back to his food, oblivious of the stares of the others. 

Lance froze. He didn't mean- he wasn't trying to- 

"What- I wasn't- I didn't mean-" 

Keith looked up at him. "What didn't you mean? Spit it out." 

" _Estoy sofocando en las flores para ti, amor. Me duele, pero puedo tomarlo por ti._ " 

"Huh?" 

"I'm- I- .....nevermind. I'm fine. Nothing." 

"Lance, are you sure you're alright?" Coran asked. "You look more unhappy than I was when I had the slipperies, and you all know how distraught I was! That was a fiasco right there, that was!" 

"Yeah. I'm fine," Lance said with a sigh. "Just missing home." 

He morosely grabbed a bowl of food goo and sat down. 

>>>>>>>>>

Lance discovered that he could hold it in until nighttime. Under the cover of darkness, his lungs tore bloom after bloom out of them painfully, blood and white flowers with yellow centers coating his hands and thighs. In between coughing fits, he'd think. 

Tonight, he noticed, that they were narcissus blooms. Narcissus, representing pride. 

Oh, how the universe hated him. Even then, he decided, they still thought of him as _el hermano de_ Lucifer. Stuck up, prideful and vain. 

>>>>>>>>

One day, during training, Lance had felt himself grow tired at an alarming rate. He knew what it was.

Hunk had noticed first, and he had gone over to whisper to Shiro as Lance narrowly avoided the sharp edge of Keith's Marmoran sword. 

"Lance!" Shiro called. "You look like you're about to pass out. Go take a breather." 

Lance nodded. 

As he passed Shiro, the man put a hand on his shoulder. "...are you gonna be ok?" he whispered, a note of worry lacing his voice. 

Lance nodded weakly. "Yeah, I'm fine... I'll go see Coran about it. 

>>>>>>>>>

He didn't see Coran about it.

>>>>>>>>>

It was a few weeks in, in the middle of his coughing fits, when he wondered what would happen when he died. 

_What would happen? It's not like anyone would miss me. Allura could take my place in the blue lion, and then maybe they could find a new paladin._

Not a second after that thought had passed, Lance had found himself doubled over, retching out more white blooms. He spat a petal out of his mouth, the blossoms around him mocking him, beckoning him to just get it over with, tell him or die, tell him or die... 

Lance would rather die. 

" _¡Tráeme la muerte, Señora Hanahaki! ¡Terminarlo, POR FAVOR!_ " he spat between coughs, tearing the dry skin off of his throat with his nails, digging in deep, knowing that the others, fast asleep, couldn't hear nor understand him. 

Sleep came fitfully a few hours later, tears still dripping down his face. 

>>>>>>>>>>

The flowers became more difficult to control, as time went on. Sometimes he felt them rise up and he excused himself, running to the nearest bathroom or quiet place and let them out. It became more obvious that something was wrong the more often he did this. 

Shiro was the first one to approach him. Lance knew he was there to question when he put a hand on his shoulder, wearing his usual concerned dad face. "Lance. What is going on?" 

"Haha, nothing, Shiro! I'm fine," he replied genially. He shrugged and laughed it off, as usual. 

_Shrug and laugh it off! Nobody likes a stand-offish prude. Laugh a little._

Shiro, however, knew Lance better than that. "Lance. What is wrong? You're not fine, you keep disappearing places and you've just looked more tired in general. Are you sick?" 

Lance forced a smile. 

"I am a bit under the weather, yeah," he admitted. "If you're worried, I can go see Coran about it." 

"You probably should. You don't have to tell us what's wrong, but know Allura and I are here if you need to talk," Shiro encouraged. 

"Yeah. Thanks."

>>>>>>>>>>

He doesn't talk to them.

>>>>>>>>>>

"Coran." Lance greeted the middle-aged Altean with a wave. "I have an... unusual favor to ask you." 

"Oh? What do you need? If it's within my capabilities and it's morally ethical, I can fix it up for ya," Coran offered. "Why, it's good for the soul to give favors!" 

"I need to spend a night in the healing pod, but under two conditions." Lance leaned up against one of them, disguising his fatigue as a relaxed, lazy gesture. 

Coran twisted his mustache. "And what might that be?" 

"One," Lance started, holding up his fingers, "You cannot tell anyone. Two," he finalized, holding up another finger, "Whatever you might see on the scanners, ignore it. Forget it. You cannot say anything about what picks up." 

"Lance," Coran started, the disappointed uncle tone filtering into his tone, "what might I see?" 

Lance sighed. He had to tell someone, and Coran was agreeable at best. 

He shrugged and spread out his arms in a defeated, welcoming gesture. 

"You Alteans have magic, right?" Lance started. 

Coran nodded. "Yes, we do in fact practice magic. It's not just Haggar that has the gift, and our magic isn't always simple stuff like talking to Balmeras like what Allura did back on Balmera. We put magic in our macinery too, among other things." 

"Well, us humans have a bit of unexplained shit on our planet that we can only call magic, because it's not natural," Lance continued. "It's never beneficial to us, ever." 

Coran nodded. "Sounds quite unfortunate." 

"The day when Keith came back after Shiro and Allura got together. Did you hear mention of the Hanahaki Disease?" 

>>>>>>>>

Lance didn't tell him who he was in love with. Why should he, when there was no chance of him ever being loved back? 

>>>>>>>>>>

Lance grasped at Coran's shoulder to hold himself upright as the pod opened. 

Coran looked at him, concered. 

"So what's the diagnosis, doc?" he joked wanly as Coran helped him over to the monitor, where he had brought up the image of the scan results. 

"This is pretty bad. I've never seen any illness like this on an Altean... When did this start?" 

"About 3 and a half months ago." He couldn't remember what months felt like anymore. 

"Well... judging by this scan, your alveoli are almost completely blocked off by the roots..." Coran thought a minute, appearing to Lance as if his mind was running marathons a second, going through calculation after calculation. 

Coran was, in Lance's opinion, very intelligent; he just didn't know how to deal with people that well. 

"You have maybe three weeks left." 

_Dios mio... So soon? Keith, mi amor, I'm sorry._

"Ok," Lance said with a wan smile. "I'll make the most of it." 

>>>>>>>>>>

He decided that yes, he would make the most of it. 

"Pidge," Lance called, crouching next to the green paladin as they worked with their computer on some obscure project. "Can you modify my helmet?" 

"What do you need on it? I'm busy, but I might be able to fit it in if it's simple." The light of the screen flashed against their glasses like the shine of a mirror, reflecting the words on the screen. 

"Can you add a button by the mic that sends out the coordinates of the helmet if you press it?" 

Pidge smirked. "Pfft, that's easy, I really don't understand why they don't already have that on there. Hand it over, I'll have it done in a few hours." 

"Thank you, Pidge." The blue paladin handed Pidge his helmet and retreated back to his room. 

>>>>>>>>>

As Lance picked a petal off of his tongue, his face freshly washed, a light tap on his door told him Pidge had arrived. Hastily, he scooped the blooms off of his bed into his little bucket and opened the door. 

"Here you go," the teen said with a smirk as they handed him his helmet. "One upgraded helmet. You're welcome, by the way." 

"Thanks again, Pidge." 

He fit the helmet over his head and felt the button under his pointer finger as they left. 

Good. This is perfect. Easy to reach, too. 

>>>>>>>>>>

He didn't tell Pidge why he needed that upgrade. 

>>>>>>>>>>

The walk down to the pods was the one of a man who knew he was about to die. Slow and steady, Lance breathed in every surrounding as he carried his bucket of flowers, helmet and food goo under his arm. 

His one regret was that he didn't get to see Earth one last time. He would have gone with Keith if he could've, just enjoying the soft expression Keith probably would've had. He would have wanted to see his beautiful hair flow in the wind, his purple eyes soft as he enjoyed being home... but Keith would have probably gone right back out into space again, knowing him. Silly Keith. 

And Lance would have followed him to the ends of the universe if he asked, just to see his smile. 

But at the same time, to Lance, the castle ship was home. _Space_ was home. He loved the galaxies, the weird aliens they met, the stars, the planets, even the shitty food goo. It was what he'd lived with for the past year or two, fighting Zarkon, Lotor and the Galra. He'd miss all of it when he was gone. 

He climbed into the pod. The thud of the lid was the slam of a coffin lid, the firing of the jets the winds of a crematory fire. As the castle shrunk behind him he entered the coordinates for a small planet they'd encountered, basically just a grassy sphere, with a nice beach and a stone-floored ocean with water as clear as a diamond. 

The flowers would like it there. 

>>>>>>>>>

He didn't tell Keith goodbye. It ate him up inside. 

>>>>>>>>

Lance enjoyed his mornings. Each morning the sun would rise, spreading a beautiful purpley-pink hue across the sky like watercolor moving across an artist's canvas. The musty gray sheep that were clouds would accent it, reminding Lance on how similar his planet and Earth's atmosphere were. He'd go swim, cough up flowers, eat, cough up flowers, swim some more, sing songs by the fire, and sleep again. It was peaceful. 

But Lance didn't like to be lonely. He hated it. He missed Keith. He missed Hunk and Pidge. He missed everyone, God damnit, he missed people. 

_I can't do this anymore. I miss them._

It got to a point where each day, he would count the hours until death. He didn't know how he managed it for a week and a half. 

Which is why one morning he pressed the button on his helmet and waited for the ship to arrive. 

It did. 

He remembered crying as Hunk, and Pidge ran to tackle him in a hug. He remembered Coran's knowing expression as he walked back, supported between the other two. He remembered Shiro kissing Allura's forehead as she sighed in relief and leaned into him. 

He remembered Keith's stricken expression as he got his first view of the tired, messy paladin, blood dried on his face and hands, his hair snarled and threatening to grow too long for its owner's taste. 

He remembered him asking, "What the hell were you doing out there?! Do you know how scared I was?" 

He remembered shrugging him off and leaving. 

He remembered Hunk's words, "There weren't that many flowers the last time we were here. That planet looks better with them." 

>>>>>>>>>>

On the last day, a robeast attacked. 

Lance's condition was horrible. It hurt to breathe. It was difficult simply walking across the castle. 

"You should get some rest, Lance," Allura insisted. "I can pilot the Blue Lion. Stay in bed." 

Lance refused. 

"No..." he insisted. "...you need to be able to pilot the castle out if things go bad. let me... I'll be fine. I promise." 

He smiled, his tiredness betrayed in his expression. 

"Are you sure you can-" 

But Lance had already started dragging himself to the Lions. 

It was with great difficulty that he managed to fly himself out on time to meet the others. 

It seemed that Haggar wasn't really trying with this one. It was basically just a large ship with fancier armor. It was helpful for the ever-weakening Lance, as all he had to do was put on his thrusters and watch Pidge, Keith and Shiro slice the thing in half with the giant sword. 

But, it managed to fuse itself back together. Again and again they sliced it, and again and again it reformed. 

"What the hell? How are we supposed to take this thing out?" Keith barked. 

"Split. Keith, Lance, Pidge, use your elemental cannons." 

They did. With a count of three, Keith and Pidge fired. Lance watched as the ship was overtaken. 

"Lance? Lance, fire!" 

"Oh, right..." 

Using the last of his strength, he jammed the booster as hard as he could. A vicious beam of cold _something_ spiraled out of Blue's mouth as the Lion took initiative to aim. 

The ship was engulfed with freezing substance, vines and flames freezing in their tracks. The paladins watched as the stuff evaporated, the ship unmoving. 

 

"What... happened?" Keith started after a pause. "Lance, what was that?" 

Lance's head wobbled dangerously, his vision blurring as he leaned up against the back of his chair. "I... dunno. Blue's pretty... *cough* proud of herself..."

"What now?" Hunk stared at the ship, trying to figure out what hit it.

"I KNOW!" Pidge yelled, excited. "It's LIQUID NITROGEN!!"

"So...?" Keith started.

Lance winced as Pidge's jarring yell hit his ears, making his head throb. 

"HUNK, RUN INTO IT WITH YOUR LION!"

Hunk shrugged, and did so. At the force of the contact, the ship shattered.

Keith, Pidge and Hunk cheered, Shiro clapping enthusiastically. 

The lions sunk slowly back into the castle ship, the paladins congratulating themselves over the intercom.

"Lance, Lance!" Keith called. "That was a great move! We did it!"

Coughing broke over the radios as Lance retched flowers all over the floor of Blue from Keith's words. He howled in agony between coughs, his sharp yells and coughs tearing through the paladins' radios.

"...Lance?" Keith whispered.

Yells ensued as the paladins rushed out of their Lions and ran as fast as they could to Blue's garage. With Keith in the lead, the Paladins, Allura and Coran dashed into the area and anxiously waited for Blue to let them inside.

The Paladins gasped in horror as they saw the sight before them.

Narcissus blooms covered the floor and dashboard of Blue, glowing softly in her light. Blood stained their roots and petals, marring them like a mark of spray paint on a tree that needs to be cut down. Bloody finger and handprints ran down the arms of the chair and the many intricate knobs and levers Blue possessed. Red lights flashed in her interior, obviously Blue's attempt at getting Lance to stop, land, turn around, go find a healing pod, anything other than die here... and that attempt was obviously ignored as the centerpiece of this horrifying, morbid altar was Lance himself, barely conscious on the floor of his lion, his usually tan skin looking pasty and bloodless, blood dripping from his nose and mouth, dim sapphire eyes fixated on Keith.

"No, nonononono, _no,_ " Keith rambled as he fought his way through the flowers, Allura sobbing into Shiro's shirt as he explained what had happened with a lost expression on his face, hugging her tightly, Hunk looking absolutely helpless, and Pidge stifling a broken sob. Lance lifted up his arms weakly as Keith dropped to his knees.

"Why, Goddamnit?! Why didn't you say anything?" he yelled, his voice filled with anguish.

Lance smiled, raw and exposed. "...because it... didn't... matter, Keith... the person I love... will never love me..." he whispered honestly. "And I... can never hate them..."

Keith resisted his urge to slap him. "Who the fuck did this to you?!" He yelled, shaking him by the shoulders. "Who the fuck is it? Which ungrateful girl or guy made you suffer."

"You."

Keith's heart fell into his stomach.

_Waiting around to tell someone you love them is dangerous. I won't make that mistake again._

_But I did make that mistake again, Lance, and look at you now. Dying in a pile of narcissus blooms, and it's all my fault._

"You're so perfect..." Lance breathed, his voice faintly audible between his jarring breaths. " _Mi diamante perfecto, mi cariño._ You're so talented, so brave, so strong... I'm so proud of you, Keith..."

"No, no, what do you mean... I'm not any of those things... I'm not brave at all..." 

Keith's mind spun. 

"Are you trying to do that romantic last words thing?" Keith stammered desperately. "Don't do that, you're scaring me, Lance, PLEASE-" 

Lance laughed softly, reaching out to grasp his face weakly. He coughed, more blood bubbling out between his lips. 

"I'm afraid this is it, _novio_. I had a... good run, huh....? Don't.... miss me.... *cough* ....too much..." 

Lance smiled and shut his eyes gently as he felt his lungs become obstructed. 

Keith yelled in anguish and brought his face in quickly to kiss the Blue Paladin. Lance's eyes widened as Keith's lips met his own. 

As Lance felt the flowers evaporate from his lungs, he smiled gently as he felt his eyes roll into the back of his head and the world fade to black. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>

When he woke, somebody was sobbing. 

Lance was confused. Everything was comfy and warm... Was he back home? If he was home, why was there crying? There shouldn't be any crying... 

The crying stopped with a gasp and he heard footsteps coming towards him. In alarm, his eyes snapped open and he was face-to-face with Keith. 

Lance looked around. He seemed to be bundled in all of the castle's blankets and Team Voltron was gathered in his room, eyes bright and expectant. Keith was there staring at him, a question in his eyes. 

It hit him when he took a deep, blissfully clear breath to ask a question. 

" _¿Hanaki? ¿Se ha ido?_ " 

"Lance," Keith reminded him, a hint of amusement in his voice, "We can't understand Spanish." 

"Oh. Whoops." He smiled. "I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, huh?" 

Keith grinned and leaned down to peck his cheek lightly. 

"You sure do." 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
››››››››››››››››››››››››  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When they show their affection for each other, they try their hardest to let each other know that they're appreciated. 

Tonight, Keith let Lance fix up his hair and they helped each other put on some of Lance's face mask before they went down to play poker with the rest of Team Voltron. 

Even after Lance's Hanahaki, nobody really expects it to happen again. Keith and Lance have each other, Shiro has Allura, Hunk has Shay, and as for Pidge... they're a little gremlin. As for the aliens, they don't have Hanahaki to fear. 

Keith and Lance share a room now. Lance's old room is filled with a large planter, carrying nothing but narcissus. 

Each night, they have the same routine. They brush their teeth, turn off the light and cuddle up under the blankets until they drift off. 

Each night, Keith never forgets to tell Lance he loves him. 


End file.
